The inflammatory post which spurned us to write what we did has been removed. For the sake of understanding what got us into such a tizzy, I’ll post a copy of it.
Here it is:
I’m definitely in the anger stage of grief, but bear with me
I have always tried to believe that everybody has good in them. I’m not perfect-I react to the things people do that I don’t like, but in the end I usually try to understand that people are the way they are because it’s the best they know how to be. And so when Dan’s family treated me like shit and barely like a person, I tried to understand where they were coming from. I tried to see what I was doing wrong with myself. And yes, they fed me and took me places and paid for me, but they never ever stopped manipulating Dan to turn against me when I wasnt there. And if they were pissed, they didnt mind throwing a tantrum and not looking me or Dan in the eye. And his mom competed with me, and she denies it, but everything he did for me, she wanted him to do for her. And I tried to put up with it. And I hated it, but I pushed him to keep a good relationship with his family no matter how unfair they were acting. But ya know what? I’m stronger now, and I’m pissed at the way I was treated. I’m pissed that they raised Dan to only trust his mom and that being dishonest is no big deal. I’m pissed that Dan’s siblings don’t see that she did the same thing to his brother’s wife before I came around. When dan’s brother got married, all he and his wife worried about was making that awful woman happy, and ya know what happened? She complained the entire time anyway. Yeah, on their wedding day, where they should be worrying about themselves. And I had the stupidity to feel bad for them, and try to understand them. It was stupid because when the criticism turns to me, they buy into it. That’s why Dan’s mom is so good at what she does, because she gets you in her group to complain about other people and tells you how she manipulates them, but no one relaizes she does the same thing to them. Yeah, Eric, your family used to talk lots of crap about Danielle until I came around, and I know they did because I spent time with both Dan and Dave before I was ever in the dating picture, and David has a harder time hiding things, and you all probably know that, but yet I’ve heard her making comments about Dan and I. Maybe people are just glad to have the heat off them, but that’s bullshit, because I tried to not join in on the crap talking about Danielle. And the thing is, I think everything gets denied by everybody because it’s such a habit to judge other people that they’d have to realize a fundamental flaw in their everyday thinking and they just don’t realize it. So deny away, but you’d be seriously insulting my intelligence. And yes Dan’s mom does nice things for people, but you know how you can tell that even that part of her is selfish? Because she doesn’t do nice things without telling everybody and getting mad if she doesn’t get something back. She likes to raise kids because something inside of her needs people to need her to a level that is so absurd that some of her offspring never learned to form healthy relationships with other women. On Christmas Eve, that woman actually turned to me and said “Why do you make my son so miserable?” Who say’s that to people? That is not a nice thing to say, but I just kept my mouth shut-I was dumbstruck. And she would never apologize for anything like that. And that is the kind of person I dealt with for a year and 8 months. I know I make mistakes, I know I couldve been better in some areas, I know I didn’t always do the right thing, but at least I can recognize my own flaws. And I feel regret for the bad things I do.
I FINALLY realize that some people really are just selfish and manipulative and mean. And that people will always give them what they need. Hell, I even fell into the trap of trying to impress her. And I felt like crap everytime I couldnt do it. The problem isn’t me anymore though. I’m confident and strong and angry that they will never get it. That family will never realize the oddness of their family dynamic because they just judge people who are different, and say they’re wrong. They don’t think about anything ever and say “hey maybe we can improve and do it more like them.” In the end, I feel sorry Dan’s mother because she is so obsessed with keeping the family together that she ends up driving some of them away. I also feel sorry for her because she always have to live with herself. And its clear how unhappy she is, and I no longer accept someones unhappiness as a reason to allow them to make me feel bad. And I love my family so much because they never make people feel unwelcome in their house. No matter what I told them about Dan or the way his family treated me, they tried to make me understand them as people and be tolerant. They are good people, and I seriously appreciate them so much more after seeing how other families can be. This anger used to be taken out on myself because I could never be good enough for Dan’s family, and I even got blamed for the things that DAN did wrong (ie it was my fault if he got a bad grade). But you know what I’m better know. And if you’re a member of this family and you want to reply defensively I completely understand and I don’t care anymore because for the first time in a long time, I like myself better than I like that family and I know I have a right to feel the way that I do.
I’m sorry to the people who haven’t really seen that angry side of me before, but I honestly feel better after getting that out. Also, I see Dan trying to be a better person for everyone so most of this stuff shouldn’t be looked at as including him. Oh and feel free to reply if you took the time to read that entire thing, because I’m wondering how many people will actually take the time to read it.
And you can read my response below, naturally. My wife’s response is the second comment to my post below.